Well, uhhhh, lets just say all those hours spent pulling the XBOX “truck stick” south and kicking ‘em through the uprights with Sebastian Janikowski via Madden ’13 didn’t exactly translate to actual Gridiron success. Had it not been for Danica Patrick and her winning the poll out at Daytona, we’d all be reflecting on Lauren Silberman’s handicapped 13 yard boot as the agent that single handedly brought the American sports gender barrier back to the stone age. The shit, Gurl?! I know 9 year old’s not named Forrest Gump with irregularly rotated/fucked up femurs and leg braces who could kick further than an average of 16.5 yards over two attempts. So don’t bring that pulled hamstring bullshit up in here, Darling! Just admit to catching a bad case of performance anxiety aka “Sucking Ass” and call it a Dizzay. Thank you, Lord, for blessing us with our inaugural female Donkey of the Day. Lauren Silberman….WHAT A LOSER!!!!
P.S. Shout out to Mark Garafolo’s long lost brother Mike for the tip!