No wonder Rutgers has sucked even more ass than normal over the last three years and a ridiculous number of kids have transferred (shout out to Austin Caroll from the Bean!). 30 plus years ago, you could have beaten the absolute bricks off of kids behind closed doors in practice and have gotten away with it. Just ask every 40-50 year-old who played under Ex-St. Johns head coach Mike Jarvis at Cambridge Rindge and Latin back in the 70′s. I’ve heard stories of that guy fracturing at least one orbital/nose per practice and putting hands around necks if having fucked up on a defensive rotation all while screaming at you with his thick East Cambridge accent (think of a meaner, blacker Ben Affleck from Good Will Hunting). But ultimately, Mike Jarvis’ acting like Danny Glover from the Color Purple brought out utter excellence in his players (notably Patrick Ewing, Rumeal Robinson, Karl Hobbs and others) because physical abuse was an innate part of the game in that era. Now? You even push a finger into a kids chest and its “Fuck this I’m not playing.” And rightfully so. That type of behavior used to be accepted for one reason and one reason only: Because if pops beat your ass back at the crib, then Coach was damn sure beating your ass in practice. In essence is was considered a form of unconventional love that worked. And no one questioned it.
Can’t say the same for the current state of coach/player relationships in 2013. Mike Rice deserves to be fired. I’m sure the kids over at Robert Morris had it even worse.
Our HitEmWhereTheyAint/Ciroc Bracket Challenge updates to let you know who’s sucking dick and who’s well on their way to poppin bottles/fucking phat bitches will come Monday morning. But for now, here are some six quick predictions through the weekend. Hit ‘Em
1.) Wichita State Upends Gonzaga Because the Bulldogs are Fucking Soft
I picked Pittsburgh to get out of the first round and penciled Gonzaga to the Sweet 16 because I anticipated Steven Adams doing jack shit offensively because his teammates don’t feed him the rock. But now that Wichita State is up against the ugliest college basketball player EVER, its a rap. Love Pangos, but their overall guard play can’t handle the nitty gritty-ness of Malcolm Armstead and Demetric Williams. Game Over…Flip.
2.) Dominic Artis Finds His Groove and The Ducks Beat St. Louis
I have Saint Louis, but I made that decision based on Dominic Artis and his not being fully healthy. Now, in seeing how he responded to a squeamish 2 point first half with 11 big ones in a controlled 17 minutes of play, it looks as if Coach Ernie Kent may be able to not worry about playing the kid 25 plus minutes. If he finds himself looking like the floor general that he once was when The Ducks were 17 and 2 through the first 20 minutes of play, Dominic (What’s Up, Dominic) could very well be in a position to have his name widely tossed around social media. Jordair Jett’s stupid baggy white tee and awesome dreads are capable of putting the clamps on ‘Nic. But I’ma ride with the potential breakout performance from Damian Lillard’s protégé.
3.) VCU Gets the Best of Trey Burke
In lieu of the disappointing Burke v. Nate Wolters matchup, we should anticipate a statement performance from the potential lottery pick. He went 2 for 12, but if you watched the game, each of his 12 shot attempts were of high quality and were unfortunately subject to bad bounces along the rim—Looks should have fallen. And while I’ll confidently say that Trey would win the battle with VCU’s trademark frenetic full court pressure 9 times out of 10, its a NEW, unaccustomed look. Hey, go ahead, scout Shaka Smart’s defense all you want. But until you actually PLAY against it, you ain’t figuring it out. That’s why its so well built for the tournament. Internalize the “It Only Takes One Game” mentality and Trey Burke might replicate his Thursday struggles from Auburn Hills.
4.) FG-Coast’s Point Guard Brett Comer Looking Like Mac Miller Trends on Twitter
He eats Tom Knight and Jack Cooley with a number of fluid jump hooks and up and unders and guess what…he never once needed to keep the defense honest by jacking from deep. Brilliant. Like, is there a Freshman with a higher basketball IQ in all of college ball? He scores 19 points without forcing the issue and showing the world his entire arsenal. And while Thad Matta will scout him properly, last night’s performance should undoubtedly place an emphasis on stopping him at the rim. What happens next? 1.) Guys like “I Can’t Hear Shit Because I’m SO Fucking Angry” Ravenel start to ease up a bit as Niang floats around the perimeter and 2.) Guys like “I STILL Can’t Hear Shit” Ravenel give Georges enough space to jack from deep. Love it. Ohio State is great defensively, but I think George could keep adding to his coming out party.
6.) Marshall Henderson Doesn’t Hold Back With the Antics Much Like He Did Against Wisco
La Salle Shoots a Shit Load of Three’s, Marshall Shoots a shit load of “What in the Fuck” Three’s off of curls and dribble pull ups. La Salle is entirely African American (besides one back up center white boy). All Marshall Henderson wants in life is to be Black. Only one more game until the Sweet 16. I’m anticipating the psychopath within to be on full display.
Can the parents of Kid President please put Kid President up for adoption? Like, I want him…now. Sure, I’m 22 years old without a Bachelors and on and off live with my parents. But I’d raise the shit out this kid. Regardless of the circumstance. I’d trade anything for the ultimate “Fuck yea, son” moment by mistakenly walking in on teenage version Kid President hitting some white chick from the back. He’d then look at me, smile and belt out, “GONZAGAAAA!” Lamenting over never ever being able to have such an experience as I type. God Dammit.
And that’s right, child, best believe errrrbody know Shabazz Muhammad. Its time for Bazzy, however, to elevate that game to the 12th degree. Dude needs to hit the glass like a maniac and drop at least 20 plus to let everyone, including myself, know that we should have never been so quick to choose Minnesota because Jordan Adams is out with a broken foot. I have a hunch about his going off tomorrow. And it sucks ’cause I’ve picked the Golden Gophers
Boston Globe: They called him Bac Guai, or “White Devil John,” and he was their enforcer. John Willis was a white man from Dorchester, yet, according to court records, he quietly emerged as a leader among Chinatown’s Asian gangs, historically known for insulating themselves from outsiders. He had been introduced to the neighborhood’s underworld when he was about 12 years old, learned to speak Cantonese, and was essentially adopted by a Chinese family, according to federal prosecutors. From there, they say, he followed the leaders of the violent and once-powerful Ping On Gang, launching a career that spanned more than two decades. On Thursday, he was facing a lengthy prison term for his activities. Willis, 42, was in federal court in Boston, pleading guilty to an indictment that painted him as the nexus among low-level Asian gangs that ran rackets in Chinatown, including drug dealing, gambling, and prostitution. The investigation to date has resulted in the seizure of more than $340,000, thirteen firearms and approximately 12,000 pills of suspected oxycodone. Investigators also uncovered extensive evidence of illegal gambling and prostitution, and the use of extortionate threats to collect loans to gamblers and others.
So you are telling me that this white dude from Dorchester—who I’m assuming has a not so subtle South Boston accent because he wasn’t adopted by Chinamen until he was 12—manages to become fluent in Cantonese, infiltrates a criminal culture that shuns ethnic outsiders entirely, works his way up the ranks, eventually inherits responsibility over China Town’s own Ping On Gang, secures a Florida connect that brings in thousands of Perk-30′s/Ecstasy pills and rules with an Iron Fist over the underground brothel/gambling ring business throughout Mass…White Devil John…transcending racial barriers worldwide. Fuckin’ right.
My man over at DigBoston, Styles Mavis, hit it right on the head: Someone should make a movie about the conspicuous son of a bitch. Unbelievable. Fuck Ben Affleck on this one though, I’m making the potential blockbuster my baby. Its time for a new Cambridge cat (i.e. Chris Kattan) to hit Hollywood with a “game-changing” script that takes some Boston drug trafficking/miscellaneous crime story, spices it up, and turns it into a farfetched entity (cough, cough, making The Town about a group of organized/methodical criminals from Charlestown who in reality were petty bank robbers geeked up on Heroin/blues and never in a million years would have been able to come close to raping Fenway Park for all its worth ). No mis-personifying White Devil John for this guy. Straight facts, Homie.
Lastly, how in the fuck was I left so clueless about there being brothels in Cambridge, Mass?? Prostitution rings in my home town?? And I ain’t know. The fuck, Bac Guai? Can a brotha get his dick rubbed or what??!??!?
This place is unreal, bro! Shout out to the man Forrest West!
Ok, so Deadspin’s revealing that NC State assistant coach Drew Hughes has sent out a TON of identical form letters to targeted recruits all over the place does make the ingenious pitch somewhat lame as hell. But if I’m a prospect and I read that a honkey named Drew needs ballers, I could care less about whether Dexter Wright or CJ Reavis are receiving the same plea. Because I’m immediately assuming that this son of a bitch is going to do WHATEVER he can to be “down” from the jump. In other words, he’s guaranteeing my official visit will be on some Big State, Jesus Shuttlesworth, He Got Game type shit: Busty blonde bitch menajahtwas, good kush, some Peach Ciroc, the whole nine yards; when overtly attempting to connect with this generation full of ratchet Tavon Austins who use “Pillz” by Gucci Mane and other Trap Muzik anthems to celebrate their “turnt up” high school highlights, the underlying message is bad bitches, weed, alcohol and a white and red Dodge Charger or bust. “Baller” + “Instant Impact”=Inappropriately “Ballin” off the field for however many nights your visiting campus. Fact. I mean, shit, I was told via a hand written letter that “You’ll have a BLAST when you come out to Bates College!” when recruited to play hoops for the small liberal arts school in Maine. The result? I “Balled.” Sure, the Dodge Charger was substituted with a couple free meal passes and the menajahtwa with a painfully mediocre female possessing every Hipster characteristic known to man. But I “Balled.” If anything, it just goes to show you what an overnight at NC State might look like. Although embarrassing and exemplary of everything NOT to do in the postmodern “I couldn’t tell you who in the fuck will be in the Big East next year” era, at least my man honkey tonk Drew is being earnest. Respect.
P.S. Can we all acknowledge that if Georgia Tech were to make an electronic copy of that form letter and add a video clip of a Chaplain Derrick Moore’s pregame speech that their five star recruit count would skyrocket? If I opened my Gmail and saw the Chaplain reverentially citing words of wisdom from his middle school football coach all while obliterating cinder blocks with a sledge hammer, I’d pledge my next four years to Tech. No hesitation whatsoever. But clearly, Paul Johnson is a sucker and doesn’t use Moore to his advantage so fuck him.
If lame and outrageously out the game, former New England Patriot, San Francisco 49er and stud pass rusher, Tully Banta Cain, has been doing his music thing for quite some time now. Rocking with the likes of Cambridge’s White Boy Gorgeous aka Millyz, V-Knuckles/N.B.S. and a number of other MCs from the Greater Boston Area, the artist formally known as Nova-Cain has had some impressive jump offs in years past, but nothing like this BANGER for the club. “Out of Control,” which is the latest leak off his up coming DJ Drama hosted mixtape, The Truth Hurts, features aforementioned White Boy Gorgeous (I SEE YOU MILLYZ, CAMBRIDGE STAND UP!), Charlestown native Slain (whom you might know as Gloansy from The Town) and Joey Budden….HIDE YOOO KIDSSSS. Expecting more from Tully in the near future, and you should be too!
Wes Grams? White boy can’t flow for shit. Plus he’s pencil dick thin (#pause) and would get bodied in the Bean. And what in the hell is that Gucci Mane “Yaaaaaa” thrown in there as a filler? How DARE that fuck boy…Come on, Nerlens! Aren’t you a Stargang Athlete? Where’s the Boston allegiance? Ya’ll beefin right now or what? The Moufy Collabo would have translated into on point production, infinitely more retweets and a five out of ten on the “cool” point scale as opposed to a negative eight. Can’t wait to ask Georges Niang about this one on Wednesday!
The Fuck, Steph? 54, 7 and 6 in the Mecca? I thought you knew Knicks fans STILL lament over Donnie Walsh and his decision to not trade up from the number eight pick so he could secure that ass (pause) back in 2009? Fuckin Jordan Hill…Shakin’ My Damn Head.