Donkey of the Day: Marco Rubio and His Siting Wiz Khalifa as “Modern Day Poet”

“You look at the time, I think it’s a time when many of our colleagues expected to be home, back in the home state playing hard, but I’m happy we’re here still working hard on this issue”–Marco Rubio

Am I a proponent of all filibusters requiring at least one hip/hop reference? Of course. In watching Obama successfully let his Soul Glo in Office, there should be an initiative to splash a dash of Darryl Jenks across the overwhelmingly honkey-tonk Senate. But when a Tea Party backed Hispanic Senator, a political amalgamation that makes me queezy to begin with, cites Wiz Khalifa as a “modern-day poet” and then proceeds to quote “Work Hard, Play Hard” in an entirely non-inspirational manner, THAT guy is gonna have “Donkey” tossed his way.

Hey, Marco, are you peeing on the Senate’s leg and telling them its raining? Don’t you dare spread unruly lies to a collection of individuals illiterate in African American art. Wiz Khalifa is no modern day poet. The puppy shit soft MC has yet to provide a single poetic contribution to the field. His lyrical references range from rolling joints as a fat as King Kong’s fingers, not sleeping, and refusing to use backwoods/dutch raps when burning one down. Poetry? No “gay” floetry. And while it would be one thing if his weed smoking wordplay was creative, its not…at all. Even Project Pat could rip that dude in a battle. In fact, fuck that, he’d most certainly eat him. “Trees” Khalif has to whip out his lyrics electronically via the Iphone because he can’t naturally kick it off the dome piece. “Death of Canibus” sequel, anyone? I think so (by the way, skip to 1:50 in the video below. It’s without a doubt the funniest shit you’ll ever see).

As far as the “A Week Ago”/Jay-Z reference goes? Not finishing the entire bar is weaksauce: “Funny what, seven days can change. A stand up nigga, now you sit down to aim Used to have a firm grip now you droppin’ names.” Would have made for a far more profound filibuster performance. Combine that with his affinity for EDM and Pitbull (naturally) and we’ve got ourselves a full blown Donkey!

You Donkey Mafucka, You!

Donkey of the Day: Lauren Silberman and Her Right Foot

“I’m hoping through all this viral play (with video games) that I’ve done that it will extend to performing well physically on the field”

Well, uhhhh, lets just say all those hours spent pulling the XBOX “truck stick” south and kicking ‘em through the uprights with Sebastian Janikowski via Madden ’13 didn’t exactly translate to actual Gridiron success. Had it not been for Danica Patrick and her winning the poll out at Daytona, we’d all be reflecting on Lauren Silberman’s handicapped 13 yard boot as the agent that single handedly brought the American sports gender barrier back to the stone age. The shit, Gurl?! I know 9 year old’s not named Forrest Gump with irregularly rotated/fucked up femurs and leg braces who could kick further than an average of 16.5 yards over two attempts. So don’t bring that pulled hamstring bullshit up in here, Darling! Just admit to catching a bad case of performance anxiety aka “Sucking Ass” and call it a Dizzay. Thank you, Lord, for blessing us with our inaugural female Donkey of the Day. Lauren Silberman….WHAT A LOSER!!!!

P.S. Shout out to Mark Garafolo’s long lost brother Mike for the tip!



Donkey of the Day: Lupe Fiasco

Our inaugural “Donkey of the Day” post, a subsection of HitEmWhereTheyAint specifically dedicated to clowning on people for the embarrassing, moronic shit they do, features Lupe Fiasco and his using the Presidential Inauguration celebrations to promote his overly-simplified, blindly charged anti-Obama rhetoric. Time to let this dumb ass know he best chill with preaching fallacious, misleading nonsense to those countless number of followers still infatuated with the worst politically charged “banger” in the history of popular music, The Show Goes On.

If you haven’t heard already, the Grammy Winner headlined the Inauguration Celebration party presented by the StartUp Company RockOn, but things turned ugly in the middle of his set, according to Twitter accounts from people at the Hamilton Live venue in Washington, D.C: “Lupe Fiasco just got thrown off stage here at the Hamilton Live after he went on an anti-Obama diatribe mid set,” wrote Josh Rogin of Foreign Policy. He added, “So Lupe played one anti-war song for 30 min and said he didn’t vote for Obama and eventually was told to move on to the next song. Lupe refused to move to the next song so a team of security guards came on stage and told him to go,” concluded Rogin.

If you’ve been up to date with the progression of Lupe’s publicized anti-Obama/America political beliefs, you’d have seen Mr. Muslim Fiasco label the President a “terrorist” on the O’Reilly Factor and a “child killer” on a press run in support of his album Food & Liquor 2: The Great American Rap Album Pt. 1 during an interview in Philadelphia with Power 99FM’s Mina SayWhat. I myself have made sure to keep familiarized with Lupe’s nonsensical venting to the media. So I was a bit confused as to why any coordinator of an Inauguration Ball commemorating the President’s second term in office thought to book Lupe as the headline. That being said, the second in running for today’s Donkey is the RockOn’s cofounder, Hyervocal. To quote the Ceddy Bu, The Rap Sumo, that was some “Dumb Sh*t!”

I somewhat digress. Is Lupe correct in dropping the racist card on Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh? Well, lets see Limbaugh was in fact quoted saying “The NAACP should have riot rehearsal” by practicing liquor store robberies and Glenn Beck did have a radio segment titled “rejected NCAA team names,” which included the “Los Angeles Limp-Wrists”, the “New Jersey Jumpin’ Jews”, and the “Atlanta Murdering Rampage of Savage Rapin’ Injuns”; Yes, I surprisingly will have to agree with Lupe on that one. Are extreme leftists entitled to condemn  advocates of Drone Attacks as morally reprehensible because the controversial military tactic “sacrifices” the lives of innocent civilians in order to eliminate organized terrorism? Ehhh…Is publicly referring to our African American President as a terrorist infuriating ignorance? Does Bernie Mac hate Whoopi Goldberg’s lips? Thought so

We all know how complicated and inherently fucked up U.S. foreign policy is. But for Lupe to vehemently believe that Obama engages in concerted efforts to kill children is absolutely moronic. To quote HitEmWhereTheyAint Ryde or Die associate, Styles Mavis, a contributor for Digg Boston, Lupe is just another “jabrone who reads far too many New York Times articles and spends endless hours listening to NPR in the hooptie.” Chances the “Fiasco Factor” has ever considered the counter argument for the employment of Drone attacks: that it allows for the lowest civilian casualty rate in the history of human warfare and that Hammas and other terrorist groups systematically surround themselves with women and children for the very purpose of claiming high casualty rates? I’d say slim to none. And the most infuriating aspect of this whole ordeal is that Lupe legitimately thinks he’s bestowing his followers with innovative brilliance that rightfully goes against the grain. If Kanye West, Jay-Z and Diddy don’t drive a diamond plated Rolls Royce on 22′s out to whereever Lupe stays at, kidnaps the Sunni Muslim, and waterboards his ass for hours on end in a Brooklyn basement then i don’t know what’s good. Or they could just keep it classy and blacklist him all together. Either way, its about time someone administered some type of consequence for preaching rhetorical bullshit without any sort of intellectual backing. How about he’s forced to revert back to solely rapping about his love for coasting on a longboard through the streets of Chicago…what a rebellious anthem that was, huh?

Quite the Donkey indeed. The Price is Wrong, dickface.