Chief Keef’s Single “Morgan Tracy” is Dedicated to None Other Than…Yup, Tracy Morgan

A couple things of note here:

1.) By no means was the flippage of Morgan Tracy intentional. Chief Keef truly believes Tracy Morgan’s real name is Morgan Tracy…TURN UP!

2.) FINALLY someone has the balls to say they are getting money like a middling millionaire. Every average American knows the feasibility of Diddy types of guap stacked to the ceiling is delusional. But Tracy Morgan cake? More than feasible. Shout out to Chief Keef’s realistic aspirations. This precarious allusion works beautifully.

3.) Only Tom Cruise and Chief Keef are too rich for Dandruff

4.) Chief Keef’s hook on Kanye’s “Hold My Liquor” added about another five to ten years of Chief Keef relevancy because that is arguably best hook of the last decade next to Jagged Edge’s “Where the Party At.” Which sucks for society because Chief Keef might very well be the worst thing for the greater, moralistic good of American fabric since McCarthyism

5.) When does watching a shirtless Chief Keef demolish a blunt to the face on his lonesome all while blinded by dreadlocks get old? Never. Duh.

6.) WHERE IN THE FUCK IS MY BRIAN FELLOW’S REFERENCE AT, B?

Has Chief Keef Officially Headed Down a Slippery Slope Towards Obscurity with “Bankroll”?

Are people really bumping this?

Look, I’m not just some Blackalicious, Aesop Rock, 7L & Esoteric indie rapper fanatic who despises bang-bang, trunk knocking, trap artists because they disgrace real Hip-Hoppas (as KRS-One would say). I’ve been rocking with Chief hardbody since the jump. “Hate Bein Sober” is and forever will be my shit. And while I wasn’t riding others opinions on “Now its Over” being complete trash for an inaugural I just got out of jail track, “Bankroll” solidifies his officially fading into obscurity (for me, at least). Dude is honestly just too absurd. Not to mention the track reminds us that his sound is mainly on some I just shoved my head into a Poland Spring water bubbler while I was on detention back in high school. I personally CAN make out what he’s saying. But to the unprepared ear, its nearly incomprehensible. Appears as if he wasn’t ready in the studio and GBE producers were forced to distort his voice entirely as means of offsetting the three grams of Molly he had just digested. All in all, its gross and hurts our ears.

Sure, he might stay ultra relevant because Jay-Z shouted him out in extraordinary fashion on “Open Letter” (even though it was in a fucked up way) and because 85% of Chicago’s 15 to 22 year old population loves him. But when push comes to shove, the industry is looking for actual music that the general population as a whole can at least draw some sort of connection too. You ride around bumping this and you just come off as a degenerate ass hole. I’m praying for Keef’s music relevancy. Think its the only thing keeping him out of jail. For now, however, he’s headed towards the long list of rappers who faded into obscurity after a successful two to three year successful run. Let’s hope he gets his shit together.

Sincerely,

Chris Kattan

Take Your Pick: Gingers Invade NCAA Tournament…Sucks(?)

WHO YA GOT?????

1.) Tony FiegenSchool: South Dakota State, Class: Senior, Interests: Corn and Sunblock, The Scoop: Former South Dakota High School Gatorade Player of the Year and part of the Jackrabbits’ three point barrage game plan that has no business fucking with the Big 10. Total Ginger Dink

2.) Joe WillmanSchool: Bucknell, Class: Senior, Interests: Gargoyling and Sigma Alpha Epsilon, The Scoop: Short Corner jump shot abuser and straight up stat sheet stuffer. Officially named the round of 64′s inaugural standout with 20 points, which is twice his season average of 10, going 10 of 16 from the floor. He’d also like to let Mike Muscala know that he sucked absolute dick today. 

3.) Mike BruesewitzSchool: Wisconsin, Class: Senior, Interests: Rick Astley & Chief Keef. The Scoop: Ultimate Ginger by day, ultimate Ginger by night. Defensive, hard nose stickler who occasionally can reel one in from deep for 40 minutes. May very well THAT guy who we all have no reason to believe would KILL it but does in spectacular fashion because its fucking March. But then again, I predicted Mike Muscala to piss and he didn’t so I very well might be completely wrong.

NBA Shop Talk: JJ Barea Calls Ray Allen a Pussy & The Association’s Best Chief Keef Look-alike

1.) Minnesota’s Mickael Gelabale and Chief Keef Officially Atop the NBA’s Lookalike Contest

Both “Hate Being Being Sober”…Clearly. One’s a drinker, the other is a HEAVY smoker and Peach Ciroc sipper. That’s my assumption…

2.) You the MAN, JJ Barea! Fuck His Ass (Pause)!

Was it a bit bush league? Maybe. But if your going to unleash the bullshit arm bar on a 5’9 Puerto Rican pitbull in an attempt to illegally create space, best believe you’ll receive a MEAN chest bump. Its what we undersized guards have been doing since the beginning of time. Back in 2002, I pulled the same shit. Was being a complete hardo and pressuring the ball full court in a heated game of outdoor pickup. Dude I was guarding wasn’t having it, gave me a little elbow in the chops, I bullied him with my chest and he hit the deck…HARD. Except this scenario took place in The Hood and, unfortunately, the lone white boy in the park immediately got his jaw rocked by some kid named Tyshawn who now currently resides in Suffolk County Jail (true story).

Same shit goes down in JJ’s pueblo? Ray Allen gets a knuckle full of carnitas and completely regrets ever trying to impress Hollywood with the dramatics.

 

Chicago Youth Goes Off on Music Teacher: Man You Betta Teach Sumin!

by: Dollar Mike Just Fucked Your Main Bitch

Before I delve into what I think about this verbal onslaught, I’d like to say one thing: Every dude in this video looks EXACTLY like Chief Keef…Bang Bang, Love Sosa!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=nSlFn82fW6U

I cannot begin to tell you how much this shit reminds me of my one year public school experience. Type of thing happened legit every two weeks. I can remember one specific example where my teacher kindly asked some Haitian chick to stop eating olives, yes OLIVES, out of a jar with a tooth pick because the room was beginning to fill with an overwhelming, intolerable odor (true story). And instead of doing what he asked and graciously putting away her god damn olives, she proceeded to ruthlessly cuss out the teacher. Most unnecessary/wild experience I’ve ever been apart of. Hilarious.

This chick, much like the Haitian olive gobbler, is a complete ass clown. Please, do us all a favor and quell your ratchet ass tendencies. At least have the decency to bring Mr. Hubston (Hudson, whatever, couldn’t understand how she pronounced his name) aside after class and then ruthlessly cuss his ass out. You think I called my freshman year Geometry teacher a cigarette smoking, raging bulldyke in front of the entire class (yes, another true story)? Fuck no, I was smarter than that and waited until class was over to let her ass know how bad of a teacher she was. And you know what? It worked like a fucking charm. Chick was nearly sucking my Johnson for the rest of the semester. Most bad ass shit I’ve ever done.

Bottom Line: Regardless of my not knowing the entire context of this story, I think its safe to assume that this video should in no way be glorified as some righteous act of standing up for your education. Its just some ratchet ass chick going HAM on her professor in class room full of Chief Keefs…Hit ‘Em!