Butchering our favorite after hours headliner? Pshhh, give me a break. Believe me, if a female is wearing white denim before sexy time, I’m in there like swim wear with “Love White Jeans On You” as an in the sheets anthem.
Obvious sexual innuendos used by generic clothing companies are the best. Especially when harmonized by the greatest R&B group of all time (those guys haven’t missed a beat, huh?). Whether women know it or not (rather like it or not), every man wants to fuck a pair of white jeans. White jeans make 95% of Tookus beautiful. In my humble opinion, they are one of god’s select fruitful gifts to earth. So any time you compliment a woman on her pantalones blancos, the mindset is man oh man would I enjoy bumping uglies with them thangs. Clearly, Old Navy knows that. But in order for the commercial to pass broadcasting standards, disabling an audience from assuming that Boyz II Men would immediately run train on a pair in a production set dressing room was mandatory. Thus, they stuck an 8 year old girl in there. Because no one neither wants to fuck a pair of white pants on a toddler or be within 15 feet of a toddler when fucking white denim. The mere thought is deathly sickening.
In all seriousness, is this not the most hilariously inappropriate commercial you’ve ever seen? Its all too good to be true. Some quick last key points of observation. Hit ‘Em High, Hit ‘Em Low…in they white pants
1.) Nathan Morris and Company Got Blue Balls Just As That Super Hot Model Sadly Enough Began Talking About White Denim “Amping Up” Her Look
Had the Boyz been able to serenade those two chicks for a good thirty seconds longer and boom: Babies on deck. Old Navy, however, brilliantly scripts an interjection and cues a conversation in which the chick with the chic ‘Fro utters self-indulgent nonsense about her pants being a great new look. I don’t want to hear that, her friend in the blue doesn’t want to here that, and Nathan Morris most certainly doesn’t want to hear that. Blue Balls for The Boyz. My man is all like, “Whatchuuu meannn???”
2.) Old Navy Would Have Been Held Hostage in a Heaping Pile of Shit Ass Trouble Had They Not Casted the Infant
First, acknowledge the strategy of dressing the toddler in shorts. Like I said, one must deter any thought of pedophilia. White jean shorts…Ew. No one wants those. Now, as for potential trouble, Old Navy would have been as royally screwed as adidas’ Kevin Ware $25 t-shirt campaign had they not casted her. The little girl goes and its a full on white pants orgy. Well, actually, scratch the heaping pile of shit ass trouble. To consider such innuendo morally reprehensible is bullshit. Everyone wants to get it in with white pants. Its the earnest truth. If Kanye West can reference how the private prison system aka the Correction Corporation of America has created “New Slaves” on SNL, then I’m damn sure Boyz II Men can get on national television and profess their love for fucking white pants. Its all in the name of love, not in the name of somewhat true yet obnoxious rhetoric.
3.) This Commercial Only Has a Pathetic 37,000 views on Youtube.
Women hated it…God Dammit