Donkey of the Day: Robert “Pill Poppin” Swift aka the Sonic Squatter

Lasting quote: “(He feel) asleep after taking pills” says Robert Swift’s fiendish girlfriend. Am I the only one DYING to see what this Pill Poppin’ Animal currently looks like? According to his team photo (below) with Apache Tokyo back in 2010, my guess is Bobby looks like an inked up Jabba the Hut with a gingery-red pubic haired replica of Gandalf’s beard. In other words, he must look worse than Dog the Bounty Hunter shirtless in Maui. Can’t believe Danny Ainge was all for bringing the 7 footer on board. Andrew Declercq, Travis Knight, Chris Mihm and Raef Lafrentz (Boston’s short yet profound list of terrible white boy centers) would have taken that to the bank!

In feeling somewhat terrible for Robert Swift, let us honor the dismayed 27 year old’s “bright” past with the Promo video for Apache Tokyo’s 2010 season because Youtube doesn’t have a three minute compilation of highlights on file and therefore no evidence of him ever having played in the NBA. But hey, don’t beat yourself up, Bobby. So what if you’ve lost nearly $20 million dollars in career earnings. At least your squatting/lounging on Four Lokos, Bud Heavies and Perk 30′s instead of coaching high school basketball in Eugene, Oregon (cough, cough…Luke Jackson). Robert Swift, one. Luke Jackson, nada.

P.S. How unbelievable is the bootleg “We Takin’ Over” instrumental. Let me hit up Joey Crack right quick!

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